Hey Humans,
Happy Monday!! Is that an Oxymoron? Maybe...
Today I'm blogging about what I would do in a Zombie apocalypse.
So! Let's get to it!
So, I'm sitting at home....doing my thing... and all of a sudden, I get a text message about a ZOMBIE outbreak!! Or something like that. Bear with me, I don't watch Zombie Movies.
My first reaction would definitely be skepticism, and I'd ask, "Who is pulling my leg?"
Come to find out it's an alert from the Emergency Broadcast System, or whatever... that's when I'd kinda be freaked!!
If this is later in the week, my dad will probably be at work which will make me nervous, since he won't be able to come home. If we're being told to evacuate, that'll be scary. I've had to evacuate before, but leaving because of Zombies, now that's a totally new ballgame!
At this point we are thinking, "Hmmm, evacuation. Grab the things that are most important."
I had to evacuate once before, during the 2015 Valley Fire (the 3rd largest fire in California history) which went right through our town. The things I grabbed for that vs. the things I'd grab for this would likely be very different. Rather than bags filled with clothes and heirlooms we'd be grabbing food and supplies. And weapons.
I'd be calling or texting everyone local in my contacts if my parents haven't already done that. I'd be really concerned about everyone. And I'd keep looking out the windows and checking to make sure all the doors were locked.
I might be acting a bit prematurely and slightly paranoid on that point BUT then again, I won't be getting killed by a Zombie because I didn't see them come limping down the lane!
When we leave I really hope we bring our dogs (and the cats, too, I'm not heartless, BUT the dogs could actually help in protecting us, or at least be trusty alarm systems. If it came to it we COULD fling the cats at the zombies as a last resort of self defense). Maybe it sounds silly but the thought of leaving our sweet pets somewhere where they could be EATEN. ALIVE. BY ZOMBIES really freaks me out. Do animals become zombies??Aaanyways....
We'd be driving in a line of traffic that is headed...I don't know where. I would want to know but if that wasn't an option I would have to trust whoever was driving and directing us (unless of course my dad had contacted us and had directed us to go somewhere else!) I'd try to be quiet, but that's not really my personality. I'd probably be asking questions and trying to learn as much as I could as quickly as possible.
While calmly freaking out because... um... Zombies!! Hello? Yeah. So...
I really hope I wouldn't have to SEE a zombie on that trip, because it would just scare me, (and my little sister would probably get nightmares) so I just hope that wouldn't happen. But if I did see one... EEK Uhh, I probably would have to say something to someone. The smart thing to do would be to sit quietly and make sure it is what I thought it was OR possibly silently point it out to those I was with.
More than likely I'd probably just forget all that and go:
"OH MY GOSH IT'S A ZOMBIE! LOOK!!!" Just to find out it's a homeless guy who has no idea what was going on!
So... gosh, where would we go? If we went to a bunker or some kind of refuge facility, I would probably be really uncomfortable because, well to a zombie this might look like a buffet! I'd really hope we don't go to a place like that buuuut if we did, I would try to make the most of it. We would be safe, we would have (possible) strength in numbers... I don't know, I'd still be pretty freaked out!
If we did branch off on our own, and went somewhere different than where everyone else was directed, I'd be really nervous for my friends. I'd be trying to get word out to them NOT to go to the refuge place. If WE aren't going there then there is a very good reason! Now would be the time where I'd try to learn absolutely everything I could about zombies and our situation.
What can they do? What can't they do? Can they swim? If the answer is no then we'd go to water. If yes, well, go to water anyway. Can't hurt! Can they climb? No. then, go to the mountain. Yes. Go to a mountain.
Now, we can't be on a mountain and close to water at the same time unless we live near Crater Lake, which we don't. So we'd need to pick one. Mountains offer better shelter, but the ocean is vast. If we got a boat on the ocean then we're golden. But I'd still be super stressed about my friends.
Sigh. If we didn't make it to a safe place and ended up having to fight Zombies, well my weapon of choice would be a gun. Then an axe. Then a machete. Then a baseball bat (with nails please). Then a rock. Then a stick. Then my feet, then my hands, then *cringe* my mouth if it's come to that (please no!YUCK), then the DIRT ON THE GROUND. Point is, I will use ANYTHING. I am NOT getting eaten today! Just not today. Never today.
I think I coooouuuuld survive. Maybe. I might die. But that's fine. Because HERE, there be zombies!! So, I'm out. I'll take off and I'll see you guys in heaven. "Good luck fighting the zombies!"
Okay, I'm done talking about Zombie Apocalypses.
But speaking of zombies... this video is HILARIOUS!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hVWEefD5ag
Let me know how you think you'd do with a zombie attack or if you'd do anything different. :D
-Helen
P.S. RANT
Okay. Zombies...
Why?
Just, why?? I mean really. What is the obsession with the putrid and repulsive? The slightly morbid, ok, I understand that. I have a slight fascination with the human death process because it's just a thing. To me it's biologically interesting in an "I'm-a nerd-so I-must-learn-about-everything" sort of way.
I don't, however, feel the need to learn about necrotic life forms. That's just gross! Like really. Once dead, a person should just remain that way. Unless they are a Marvel character then of course they can come back to life.
My dad watches the Walking Dead. I hear it's a great show. I'm just so hesitant!! I don't want to see that! It's really dark and just--eeewww!! *shudder* But, you can go ahead and watch it, I don't care. It just seems so gross to me.
Plus, zombies are literally the worst case scenario, right? Can't we go a little less: "It's hopeless, we're all dead anyway, it's just a matter of time" and more like "Oh, this is awful, but it's something we can actually deal with if we have to. Yeah there's a possibility we could DIE but we could also live!" Can't we do that? That is the sort of story I like to hear about.
I like hope.
Zombies? Neahhh.... hopeless.
Conclude Rant. Let me know if you agree. :)
